There’s a quote in Paper Towns,


Most of us have had to deal with a similar thought. Or maybe it crossed our mind amidst other self-revealing others, but we probably didn’t give it a second thought as we unknowingly but usually knowingly seal the fate of every other such thought.
I mean, is going on an expedition of finding yourself even relevant these days? Who even has the time for that? That’s when we succumb to the social media pressure, posting a tweet and patting our self at the back for it.

But this quote refused to leave me alone. The relateability and accuracy of it left a deep wound in me.  Firstly, our life is indeed a cycle of all-too-familiar oh-so-similar occurring events one after another, their inherent time period being indefinite and bringing only a mild unnoticeable newness each time. Second, this fact doesn’t really bother us unless we’re on a soul searching mission or revaluating our life after falling into yet another existential crisis. It’s either or neither for me right now or maybe this is what they call over thinking. Thirdly, even after making an effort to acknowledge it and draining our mind trying to decipher the meaning and the significance, we don’t actually or rather are not willing to do anything about it. We let it go, of all the things we should be letting go. Not caring perhaps even starting to despise the whole idea of it when it’s obvious how bad we’re craving if even a drop of change in our lives, in us.

We fear change. As taunting and daunting it might seem or difficult sometimes even impossible, we can never bring ourselves to embrace it with a wide grin. Be it a big change or a trivial one, like going up to the supermarket to try a different brand of tea. And honestly how many people gave up whole professions after realizing at one point that it failed to provide even the necessary satisfaction it should have let alone contentment. How many people have actually taken proper action to eradicate a stereotype reigning and ruining their family for generations or banishing unconventional family traditions and not just bringing it up on social media? Are we really as strong willed and courageous to take a stand, say no where we have to, reject when we should?

We say we don’t care, too much and all too often but do we really? Or is it our only retreat. I mean, saying just that might get the other person to shut up but what about the voice that’s echoing in your head. Meaning it, really meaning we don’t care is debatable.
We look for all things familiar, traditional and understanding. Somehow we decide that a particular thing is meant for us, has a value, a meaning in our life on some unknown level while others are just not our cup of tea. So we adopt what we find acceptable, wear it, hide behind it and carry it with us for the rest of our lives- our very own comfort zone.

We spend our lives imitating others, following in other people’s footsteps never making our own path and not seeing that we’ve lost ourselves in the process, not realizing that we all get one chance at life and that chance was wasted trying to be someone we’re not, someone we are simply not meant to be.

Published in Us Mag, The News International 1 Sept, 17